August 16, 2018

Who doesn’t love a good night’s sleep.  Up until 2 nights ago, a full night’s sleep was eluding me.

My body was begging for sleep.  My brain was begging for rest.  My soul was crying out for respite.

I could name off the possible reasons for not getting what I wanted.  Pain, discomfort, weakness, trauma, fear, medication, “what if” thoughts.  I’m sure all of them individually would create havoc on their own, but combined made quite the hullabaloo within me.

I sort of expected these things to happen to me.  After all, I’m not exempt from the typical side effects of medical procedures, medications, and the emotional  haze that follow them around.

But I’m just stubborn enough to be ticked off by all of it.  I went to the Lord and told Him I was ready to turn the corner to get away from all of this.  I suggested that we put this behind us and get on to the real healing part of this journey.

Rest and sleep are important to healing whether it is body, mind, or soul.  When it eludes me, it seems unfair.  After all, God created my body to need rest for healing.  Why wasn’t I getting it?

I guess my stubbornness also drove me to my knees.  Stubbornly praying.  Not giving up.  Repeatedly asking for what I wanted and needed.  Asking.  Seeking.  Knocking.

Then it happened.  I slept through the night.  And then I took a long nap.  And then I slept through another night.  Then I took another long nap.

After each lengthy slumber I awoke full of hope.  I felt stronger (which is still pretty weak) but I knew I had turned the corner.  I knew I was healing.

Then I understood.  I’m still learning.  I’m still learning that every good things comes from God.  He knows the best timing.  He wants me to come to Him and tell Him what is on my mind.  He wants me to rely on Him.  He wants to give me good things He’s prepared for me if I’ll just ask Him.

Lord, forgive my default mode of just plodding through life, waiting for the next thing to happen.  Thank you for opening my eyes to what you have prepared for me.  This week it was rest.  Next week it might be something else.

Help me to go to you first with my requests, my wants, and my needs.  I know you already know what they are, but help me to verbalize them to you, the giver of all good things.  Thank you for the beautiful rest you are giving me.  Use it to heal my body in your perfect timing.

2 thoughts on “Sleep

  1. Hi!
    It’s been a while. I like be reading your blogs. I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. It’s been 147 days since my stem cell transplant and this journey is far from over. God carried me so many times I cannot count. My favorite scripture is;
    Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God”. That brought me through everyday with my faith.
    I’m praying for you and your family.
    God bless
    Karen Bevan

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