July 10, 2018
I did a brave thing yesterday. I bought a new calendar/planner. It goes all the way through 2019.
Starting a new calendar is an act of faith on my part because I believe I will live beyond those days shown in my planner.
In studying this verse in Psalm 90, the word “number” means to place a high value on. To place a high value on the days God has given me. I plan on doing that.
I want God to teach me to value my days so that I will gain a heart of wisdom. Not like being a smarty pants in school wisdom but wisdom to see things from God’s perspective.
I love to research and learn new things. Entering the oncology world has kept me up to my eyeballs in research, that’s for sure. But all of the facts and terminology do me no good if I don’t look at this cancer diagnosis from God’s perspective.
I can’t just look at my lab results and say that it’s my day to get cancer. I have to know there is purpose in it. I have to know that God will use it for good. It doesn’t even have to be for good in my own life. It can be for good in my children’s lives or my grandlittle’s lives. Maybe a friend’s or stranger’s life. Maybe for medical research to help others in the future. I don’t have to know who or how or when. I just need to know God will use it.
I know He has used others for good in my life. I have watched them suffer and seen how God used it to help me. I’ve also watched others suffer and observed how God used it to teach me what not to do. I know He will use every day of my life to fulfill His plans. To teach me and grow me and change me. And to do the same for others who allow Him to.
Lord, you are the creator of all my days. You are the planner of all of my activities. Please teach me to place a high value on what you are giving me so that I can see it from your perspective. I don’t want to live for myself. I want to live for you and be used by you to serve others. Use this suffering time to grow me into the person you want me to be. I know you won’t waste it. Use it for your glory.
Blessed Brown Wren 
I can toatally relate to this. I live everyday moment to moment. I use to promise I would do things and it was exhausting. Even tho I wasn’t feeling well I felt I didn’t want to let anyone down. But with that I know that my Apperence on the outside looked as if everything was fine, when on the inside I was scared and sad and tired, I did not look like what i was going thru, and that is important to me. I went out and bought a lip gloss that i wear on my worst days it’s part of my armor in this fight.