I have a lot of conversations with God while I’m driving. I guess it’s because I live in a rather rural area and it takes me awhile to drive anywhere. I’m usually by myself and the radio doesn’t work until I get closer into town. The silence is when God has a chance to speak to me. It’s funny (well, not funny – interesting) that I have to be strapped into a vehicle to sit long enough for Him to get a word in edgewise. It’s something I’m working on.
On this particular day, the message was quite clear. . . “Do you think I can heal you?”. I answered out loud, “Well, of course you can. You made me and you sustain all living things. Yes, I believe you can heal me.”
“Well then, act like it!” I sat in silence. I had been trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole kidney disease thing. I had been praying that God’s will would be done in my life. Wasn’t that enough? Why did I deserve to healed from this disease? I’m human and humans get diseases. I wasn’t mad at God for allowing me to get the disease. Most probably, I would not die from this disease. The kidney disease would just cause my life to change in a major way. I had accepted that. Wasn’t that enough? Apparently not.
I had never asked God to heal me. Not even once. Does that seem strange? I never asked “why me?”. I never questioned. I only accepted. But now He was telling me to act like I believed that He could heal me. How exactly does one do that?
My first step was research. I love research. I looked up Jehovah Rafa in my Bible commentary. Jehovah means “God is my healer”. I was delighted by the definition.
The concept is interesting. It is the idea of a torn quilt. Instead of patching the old quilt with a new piece of fabric. The healer makes over the quilt so that it is like new. In other words, God doesn’t do patch jobs! I promptly bowed my head and asked God to heal me. I claimed His healing power so He would know that I was serious. And then I waited. A few weeks later my blood results showed further decrease in my kidney function. “God, are you healing me?” I struggled with the conflict. If God tells us to ask for anything in His name and He will answer our prayers, then why do I still see kidney failure in my future?
Certainly, a kidney transplant would be “like new” because it would be a new, functioning kidney in my body. But is that how God is going to heal me? I believe He will. I don’t think there will be a miraculous disappearance of the kidney disease, although I believe He is capable of pulling that off. It will probably be by the miraculous appearance of a new kidney to replace my two pathetic kidneys. A new kidney donated by someone who choses to be used by God to give the gift of life.
What has been interesting to observe during the past few months since that conversation in the car is this: God is way more interested in my spiritual health than my physical health. True, He cares about both, but only my spiritual health has eternal consequences. I believe the “new” Brown Wren is about to hatch. She’s not at all like the old version. She’s heard from God and learned that He doesn’t do patch jobs. She’s not afraid anymore. She’s pretty bold in her conversation. She’s giddy about her Lord. She doesn’t care about stepping on people’s toes when it comes to their relationship with the Lord. Who is this strange bird? I think she’s a Blessed Brown Wren. And she’s not a patch job.