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What’s The Rush?


Want to start at the beginning?  Read:  part1  part 2  part 3

From my journal:  December 2008

Every year I promise myself that I won’t let Christmas sneak up on me.  I’ll plan way ahead.  I’ll have my cards sent, my presents wrapped, and my goodies baked by the first week of December.  That goal seems a bit short-sighted.  I’ve never achieved it.

This year is different.  My energy is increasing a bit.  The new meds and supplements I’ve been subscribed seem to be working.  I seem to be feeling pretty good but there is a nagging thought in the back of my brain. . . “How long can I function like this?  I have less than one-fourth of my kidney function left.  How much time do I have before I’m dragging myself around?  I’ve got a lot to do and not much time left to do it.”

The holiday season is frantic enough without any extra sense of urgency going on.  I find myself doing errands and silently seething to myself, “People – get out of my way!  I have things to do and not a lot of time to do them!”  Of course, on the outside I was all smiles and “Merry Christmas” to everyone.  Talk about being two-faced.

One morning, while on my way to work, it was just God and me in the silent car.  Because I live in a more rural area, I don’t always get radio reception clearly until I’m closer into town.  I poured out my frustration to Him.  He heard me.  He reminded me that there is really no reason to rush because he made me to be an eternal being.  In fact, we’re all eternal beings.  If we choose to follow Him, we have eternal blessing.  If we choose to go our own way, without Him, we’ll have eternal agony.  But one way or another, we will live eternally.   So, in light of that, I’ve got plenty of time.  And when you look at it with that perspective, there’s no urgency.  He’s already planned out my days.  Fretting over it will not bring one ounce of joy to my life.  In fact, fretting over it wastes my time and I’ve got much better things to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-14

He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God. 

I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.  God does it so that men will revere Him.


To be continued. . .


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What happens next?

The story continues. . .  (click here to read part one)

My emotions were still reeling from my diagnoses, but I was pretty proud of myself for going in a forward direction.  My emotions wanted me to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head, but my head said “forge ahead”.  So onward I went.   I made an appointment with a nephrologist and called for a follow-up appointment with my primary care doctor.  

I guess I should explain a bit of  history with my primary care physician.   You see, I had been going to this particular family practice for 28 years.  Our whole family had been under the care of the same doctor for 28 years.  Two months prior to my diagnosis, I had been informed that “our” doctor had retired and we could see his replacement or make an appointment with a different doctor in the group.  I picked the new replacement and crossed my fingers. 

 I liked her, I really did.  She gave me the most thorough physical I had ever had.  She  read my blood results and found several conditions that had apparently been overlooked for at least two years by my previous doctor.  She looked at me and asked “How do you get out of bed in the morning?.  I responded that I was, indeed, tired quite a bit but that I had been told it was my age.   “No, my dear.  You are anemic, have a underactive thyroid, and most certainly have something wrong with your kidneys”.  “Have you been taking your medication?”   “What medication?”, I asked.   “You’ve had these conditions for a least two years, according to your blood work.  You weren’t prescribed any supplements or medications?”   “No”, I responded. 

She turned red.  Very red.  She left the room.  Five minutes later she came back and reassured me that she was going to get me some help.  She prescribed a thyroid supplement, some iron  supplements, and a blood pressure medication to protect my blood vessels.   She asked me to return a month later to have more blood work done to check my levels and adjust the medications. 

Three weeks later I called for my follow-up  appointment  (this is where the follow-up appointment previously mentioned comes in).  That’s when I got the news.  “Dr. J is no longer with our practice”, I was told.  “What does that mean?!”, I asked.  “You can see one of the other physicians in the practice”, they told me.  “But I want Dr. J”, I demanded.   And,  like a broken record I heard, “She is no longer with our practice”.   First one doctor and now another in just a few months.

I fretted and worried.    I was on the phone with my mother-in-law, sharing what was going on, and she reminded me that God had not been caught off guard by all of this like I had.  She also suggested that maybe God had positioned that doctor “for such a time as this” to get me the medical treatment I needed.  She even suggested that maybe, just maybe, that doctor had been an angel, sent to protect me.  Now, I’m not really an angel fanatic or anything.  In fact, I’m not really sure about angels – although I do believe they exist.  What I do know is that my Heavenly Father can use what ever He wants to take care of His children.   

The story continues. . .


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The Story Begins



From my journal:  October 28, 2008   9:30 pm

Today is Tuesday. I am being referred to a  Nephrologist.   The diagnosis – Stage 4 Renal Failure.

The doctor will  try to keep me as healthy as possible until my kidney transplant.  She guesses I have 5 years or less until I will need a new kidney. 

Will I die of kidney failure like my sister did at age 35?  What will my family do?  I have a lot of things that I want to do.  Will I even feel well enough to do them?  I feel tired.

October 29, 2008 3:00am

I am awakened by my own tears.  As I sit on the side of the bed,  I start to remember the dream I was having.  It was a strange dream.  One of those dreams that begins as a memory of a real event but morphs into something different.

It began with a memory of a little girl I had seen in a store.  She was shopping with her grandmother.  When the cashier asked  “How are you today sweetheart?”, the little girl responded, “I’m blessed, thank-you”.  In my dream the scene started out with the cashier and the little girl, but then morphed into me being the little girl and God being the cashier.

“How are you today, sweetheart?”  asked God.

“I’m blessed, thank-you”, I responded. 

I’m blessed. I am so blessed.  I am blessed beyond anything I could ever have imagined.  He is with me.  He cares about me.  I am blessed.  

The story continues. . .

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