It’s quiet in the house this Christmas morning as I sit looking at the lights on our Christmas tree. With a cup of hot coffee in my hands, I sit here and wait for the fog to clear from my sleepy brain. I woke up at 4:00 with some things on my mind.
As a lover of all things Christmasy, I have found myself in a bit of a funk this year. I seem to be surrounded by sadness. So many people I’ve known have died this past year. Illnesses and struggles (physical, mental, and emotional) have affected more than I can count. Loneliness and anger have attacked those I care about.
And here I sit, pondering it all. Just me and God – and my Bible and journal.
Tears sit close to the surface but don’t produce anything. Trying to make sense of it all, I sit in silence. I can’t even think of words to pray.
But then, God. . .
Then God speaks in the silence and reminds me of who He is. He reminds me of that first Christmas when His light shone through the darkness. During a time of great oppression and hopelessness for so many people, God sent His son to save the world. The problem was, most of the people didn’t recognize the saving. They expected something more. Or different. Or grander. Something political, social, or loud.
God reminds me of His faithfulness. He never promised there wouldn’t be darkness. But He is light and in Him, there is no darkness. He never promised a world without disease or illness. But He brings healing to those who walk with Him – sometimes on earth – always in Heaven. He never promised that loneliness or anger wouldn’t be present. But He provides comfort and peace through a relationship with Himself.
Saving looks different than what we expected, but it’s saving just the same. As I look back on my life, things that seemed awful or even hopeless brought unexpected blessings to me. Those things changed me and grew me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without God allowing those things into my life. His saving always looks different.
I haven’t been able to stomach much Christmas music this year. For the most part, it simply feels too worldly or fake. I guess it’s just part of the funk I’m in. But one refrain comes to my mind over and over.
Christ is the Lord! Oh, praise His Name forever
His power and glory evermore proclaim
Oh, night divine, oh, night when Christ was born
That night was divine because Christ came to Earth, as a baby, to rescue us from sin. He gave up the glory of Heaven to come down and live amongst us – to be a light in the darkness. Oh, praise His name forever. His power and glory evermore proclaim.
Blessed Brown Wren 
Kelly this is beautiful. And you put into words exactly how I feel this year also. I pray joy floods your heart and soul today and you have an amazing sense of His presence. Merry Christmas! And praise His Name forever more!!
I hear you and I felt a little of that this year, mostly because of mine and Werner’s age and growing limitations. My hope is that more and more people will latch onto a message like this and stop listening to those who are so wrapped up in negativity. Change is so difficult for us mortals. We like life to proceed on the same plane, with the same recordings day after day. I don’t think life is going to be that way for a long time to come for anyone in the world we have now. Attitude is everything and when we can all look at the changes brought by the pandemic and accept that this is the new normal, life will get a little easier to bear. We might even learn to enjoy life again by embracing the changes. Maybe this is God’s way of telling us to get out of our routines and do something different, but especially to be aware of the pain and problems of others. God bless.
Christmas has felt very low-key in spite of being with family and playing with our new 1 year old granddaughter. A few hurtful words from my FIL on Christmas Eve made it feel less than joyful but my sweet Godly little sister reminded me to take the spiritual high road and as I was reading my Bible last night struggling with my heart attitude toward my FIL God reminded me that conquering my attitude was honoring Him and all for His glory. Just had dinner with my FIL and it was lively, enjoyable conversation with no cutting remarks! Praise God! Plus I tried to keep a bright smile and wide open eyes because my daughter said I had “resting disapproval face”. Guess I need botox a bag over my head to improve my communication via facial expressions. 🙃
I suspect you have a lot of company this Christmas, including me. Our family has had 3 major deaths, major illnesses, recovery for Bill and other stressful personal stuff. Being in the Midwest now and no longer on the East coast makes traveling long distances impossible for us right now. It makes us feel disconnected. God has given us good neighbors and new friends at our new home church…and yet a bit of the melancholy settles in around the edges threatening to unseat my Christmas glow. So my plan is to attack and choose joy. It takes determination, Kelly. I attack by banishing satan from my territory and putting on the helmet of salvation to guard my mind from wandering into dissatisfaction and then I have to choose joy by counting blessings both spiritual and tangible…much like you do. I have to remind myself that my Heavenly Father has His eye on my comings and goings. I understand Jane,too. At 75 I am surprised at how “old” I feel. And I think we are all Covid weary. Dearest Kelly, may your spirit be lifted as you continue to sup on His word and spend time with your Father. Thank you for your refreshing honesty and sincere desire to love Him more dearly. Sheri