Last night I went to bed with thoughts full of God’s faithfulness and a heart full of thankfulness to Him for all He has done in my life.
This morning I woke up angry at Him.
I thought I was handling the diagnosis of the return of cancer well. I felt strong and healthy and ready to face whatever cancer threw my way.
But no one wants to hear that cancer has returned. No one likes the “C” word. No one wants their world turned upside down. No one who plans on living wants to think about the possibility of death.
So, what happened to me? Why the anger?
Well, for one, my emotions can’t be trusted. Ever. I’m an emotional person and I never know when they will start bubbling up to the surface. First thing in the morning. Middle of the night. While driving to Target. It happens.
Two, my thoughts are frequently all on myself and my circumstances. Self-centeredness at its best. Illness can really zero in those thoughts very quickly. Navel-gazing at its best.
But God had already prepared, in advance, for my see-saw like emotions. He already knew that a friend would be giving me a little Bible verse calendar for Christmas. A verse for every day of the year. A verse for every doubt, fret, or resentment.
The anger began to disinigrate immediately as I read the verse on that date of the calendar.
Psalm 23:6 “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all of the days of my life.”
This word “follow” in Hebrew actually has a meaning that is more like “pursue”. God’s goodness and mercy will chase after me for however long my life will be. Through dark valleys and up tall mountains. Through mucky swamps and arid deserts.
I’m sure there will be more times in the coming days when I need a reminder of God’s faithfulness in my life. If I keep His words close by me and read them often, I know that my see-saw emotions will be more balanced because I will be reminded of His goodness and mercy chasing me around.
Oh, and if I wake up angry, please remind me of this truth. Thanks.