June 18, 2018

“O my Strength, I watch for you;  You, O God are my fortress, my loving God.”                 Psalm 59:9-10a

It occurred to me this morning that I might have my prayer requests a little messed up.  Not that God can’t straighten it out, but I want to be on target with what God wants me to do.

I realized I’ve been praying selfishly.  You may say, “Kel, you have every right to pray selfishly!”.  Yes, I have every right as a child of God to pray for Him to heal me and fix me.  Selfishly, I want that – really want that.  But I feel He is pointing out a few things to me this morning that need some attention.

First, I feel that He wants me to not be focused on what I think I need, but what He knows I need.  I want to have every medical test known to man done so the doctors can find all of the cancer and get. it. out.

It occurred to me this morning that maybe the PET scan I’ve been praying for is not the best thing for me.  I do have a very weird body that doesn’t react to procedures like other bodies do.  Maybe He is protecting me from something I don’t know about.  I think I need it, but maybe He knows I don’t.

Second, I feel that God is telling me that I’ve been focused too much on myself.  It’s hard to ignore the growing cancer in my abdomen that is very uncomfortable.  It’s hard to ignore every twinge or sensation that I feel.  But I realized today that my focus has been on myself and not on others.  Not fully engaging with others like I want to do.  Not serving them like I know I should.

One of the best strategies I’ve found to stay encouraged is to be engaged with others and help them.  You intend to be the blessing but find that you come away being blessed as well.  That’s how God’s economy works.

Illness has a tendency to lead us on the path of self absorption.  Yes, we should take care of our bodies and rest when we need to.  Yes, we should push for good medical care and work with the medical professionals who provide that care.  But there is a fine line between being a good steward of our body and “my world revolves around me”.

Lord, you made my body and know every cell in it.  You know what is going on both in my body and behind the scenes in the medical world.  You are Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals.  I trust you and know you will take care of everything I need.

Lord, forgive me for focusing too much on myself.  You did not call me to navel-gaze.  You called me to be your hands and feet.  Help me to see what opportunities you have for me so I can focus on them.  You have big plans for me, Lord.  I don’t want to miss them because I am looking down.

*This blog was was brought to you without the aid of caffeine this morning due to an endoscopy later today.  Just say’n.