June 7, 2018

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.  This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. ”  Proverbs 3:5-8

God was so good to bring a smile to my face this morning.  As I was reading and studying in Proverbs 3, verse 8 made me chuckle.  “This will be healing for your body”.  In the notes of my study Bible, it states that the word body literally means navel – as in belly button.

All through the night I was awakened by a weird discomfort in my stomach.  I don’t know if it was something I ate or the signs of cancer, but the discomfort caused me to fret all night. I feel fine this morning but God’s Word reminded me that He was watching over me as I slept fitfully.

As I am trusting God in all my ways, He’s got me.  He’s directing my path and healing and strengthening me spiritually and physically.  He’s doing things I’m not even aware of yet.

Lord, you are so good to me.  I want to focus on you in every aspect of my life.  You know every detail of my body and you will take care of it in your perfect time and in your own perfect way.

June 8, 2018

“May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always n every way.”  2 Thessalonians 3:16

I’m surrounded by a lot of love and prayers right now.  It is very comforting to know that so many, many people care about me.  I’m asked, frequently, how I am doing – really doing.  When I respond that I am doing well, I see the disbelief in their expression.  “How can you be doing well?” must be the immediate thought in their mind.

But, I’m speaking the truth.  I have peace and a joy from the Lord that I can’t explain.  Sure, the realization of this rare cancer and difficult treatment is always on my mind.  The frustration of waiting through all of the testing and results rises up frequently in my thoughts.  The possibility of this cancer taking my life is a real threat to my mental health.

I’ve lived with myself for a long time and I know how my brain works.  I should be turned inside out with fear and upside down with frustration by now.  Somehow and  someway, God’s peace is with me and it gives me a clarity of mind that I’m very, very  thankful for .

Lord, your peace is unexplainable.  It’s undeniable.  You’ve surrounded me with your love and peace.  I will rest in it.

June 9, 2018

“Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”  Psalm 62:8

I have a small decorative sign on my desk that says “Courage is fear that has prayed”.  Someone gave me the sign when I had my kidney transplant 7 years ago.

I felt I was the wrong person to get the sign.  I wasn’t being courageous, I was merely going through a necessary medical process to change and save my life.  My friend, Cathy – my kidney donor – was the courageous one.  She made a decision to undergo surgery and endure a painful recovery to give me a gift.  That was courage.

Last week, someone called me brave.  Brave?  I don’t think so.  Bravery is rushing towards danger when others are running from it.  Again, I am merely going through a necessary medical process to save my life.

But as I ponder all of this, I am realizing that being courageous and brave is all about making choices.  Choosing to turn to God in a time of trouble and believing with all my heart He will answer.

Choosing to stand firm in my faith instead of crumbling under the fear of the unknown.

Choosing to have the hard conversations regarding my care.

Choosing to rush forward into treatment, knowing there will certainly be pain and possibly death.

Courage and bravery aren’t without fear.  But when I push through fear, knowing God is with me, I can have confidence He will see me through it.  When fear wants to paralyze me, faith steps on the gas peddle and says, “I’m going in”.  If it is the going forward part that is courageous, then maybe I’m learning to be brave after all.

Lord, you make me brave.  Because I can trust in your unfailing love and protection, I can press on to what comes next – even when I don’t know what it will be.  When I want to crumble, you remind me that I am standing on firm bedrock and not some sandbar that shifts with the moving tides.  You give me faith that overcomes my fears.  You make me brave.