I received a beautiful new prayer journal as a Christmas gift. I was still filling the pages of my old one until May 7th, which by the way, was the first day of my cancer story. I’ve decided to record my journal thoughts here on my blog. Since I’m playing catch-up from the beginning of May, I’ll combine some of the days together until I get caught up.
May 7th, 2018
“Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Psalm 24:5 (HCSB)
How fitting to find this verse on the first page of this journal. I got a call from my doctor yesterday afternoon. It is never good when a doctor calls you on a Sunday afternoon. Cancer is suspected – strongly suspected. I’m being sent to an oncologist this week. I interrupted a Nats game to tell my husband, Skip. It broke his heart. And it broke mine to hear him cry like I never had before.
Lord, how will you use this for your glory? Please don’t let this trial cause our children to stumble in their faith. Please don’t let this distract us from our ministry with parents and children. I ask you to take this cup from me but I know if the answer is “no” that it will still be used for good and for your glory. I am waiting to see what you will teach me – all of us – through this. I will still praise you. I will say “Amen” in agreement to what you are doing in my life. You are good. You are faithful. You are God.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)
“It is the Lord Christ you are serving”. These words come to my mind often. What am I doing to make sure I am working with all my heart? If my heart beats at the same cadence as God’s does – if it rejoices in what pleases Him – if it breaks for what breaks His heart – then everything I do should be for the Lord. My agenda and “to do” list will be written by him.
Lord, what is on my schedule today? Help me to keep my eyes open to see what you want me to do. Help me to not miss a single opportunity to share your love. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in myself and my health problem that I miss the big picture. Help me to prioritize the daily tasks I must do so that I don’t waste time. Help me to prepare for the future without being consumed by meaningless details. May you be the keeper of my calendar.