Is it normal to feel like I’m forgetting something? My planner says I’m not. My husband says I’m not. But my heart says I am.

I recently retired from a ministry job that I loved. I wasn’t planning on retiring, but God was planning something different. So here I sit, with my planner nearly empty and my brain telling me I should be doing something. But I don’t know what that something is yet – but I’m learning.

I was planning to retire in three years so that I could have my medical needs met without regular insurance. It seemed like a good and reasonable plan to me.

With the Hubs already retired, it seemed good and reasonable to retire too.

With my cancer under control but no guarantee of it not coming back sometime soon, it seemed good and reasonable to retire and enjoy time with loved ones before God calls me home.

But I wasn’t ready for retirement.

I wasn’t ready to slow down or give up working with a great boss and a great ministry team. I was on a roll and I had a plan.

Every year, when I needed to renew the business license for my small, fifteen-year-old organizing business, I would offer the entirety of it to God. “Lord, you can have it because I’m doing ministry at church for you”, I would say. And what would happen? He would bring me several new clients and fill up my planner with appointments. And so, I would continue to help people get out of messes and clear out the clutter of their homes. I was in their business – paperwork, kitchens, closets, and all the other areas in a home. As we worked together, many times the conversation would turn to God. To priorities. To relationships. To what matters most. I was mentoring people and I didn’t realize it.

As well as that was going, I couldn’t imagine giving up my ministry work at church. I mean, who does that when it is a perfect fit? I loved my job and the people I worked with. I loved what I did. I worked for Jesus and planned on doing it as long as I could.

As God began to work in my heart and steer me in a new direction, the reality hit me. In one memorable staff meeting, I ugly cried. It just wouldn’t stop. It was embarrassing and inconvenient and apparently necessary. I needed to grieve what I was giving up and rejoice in what I was receiving. Both of those feelings will cause me to tear up when brought to the forefront of my mind, but when both ganged up on me at the same time, I lost the power to control the tears.

I needed to grieve the loss of team experiences and the feeling of belonging. It was necessary to grieve the opportunities and options I had been given because I was “staff”. And while I’m being honest, I loved wearing the lanyard, having a key, and knowing the ins and outs of the office.

But with retirement, all of that was stripped away. And as extreme as that sounds, I knew it was unavoidable.

I needed all of that to be stripped away because I needed to be emptied. Emptied of my pride, my schedule, my importance, and my plan. While I had been offering my business to God with one hand, I was hiding my ministry job behind my back with my other hand where I felt it was safe from scrutiny. God was telling me my hand needed to be empty so He could put something else in it. With my white-knuckle grip on ministry, I didn’t have room for the next thing God had planned for me.

As I have been muddling my way through this new schedule in my planner, I have realized something. The very things I have been doing with my business clients are the same things God wants me to do in my day-to-day life. My business is about tending to His business that He puts in front of me. The extra time in my planner is the margin I need to be available to others.

Sure, it’s been nice to get some household chores done and work on some projects, but the real to-do list is being available for my Father’s business which is being available for the people he puts into my path. And what I’m finding is that this type of work can’t be written into a planner or marked on a calendar. It just happens as I live for Him.

The next step in the next thing is just a step. I won’t know the direction or the purpose. I’m not privy to the details or the price tag but I do know what the outcome is. The outcome is my obedience to a sovereign God who knows the plan and puts it into motion whether I’m a part of it or not. I’m just glad I paid attention to what God was telling me and I’m grateful He is allowing me to be a tiny part of His big plan.

Retirement, I’m learning, is just a step in a different direction. It’s not about sitting down or stopping work. My Grandaddy used to say “I’d rather wear out than rust out.” Me too, Grandad, me too. I want to work for Jesus as long as I have breath in my lungs.

What is your next step? Is God calling you to do something in a different direction? Maybe it’s not about retiring from a job but it could be retiring from an activity or a position or a lifestyle. What might you be hiding behind your back to keep God from seeing it? Is He asking you to let go of something? Is He asking you to make room for something else? You might be in a position to do the next thing.